A penny for your thoughts...Dollars for your thoughts - NARA - 513735 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We’ve all been there.  The pointless meeting that drags on and on, during which you have one, maybe two items to contribute out of thirty listed on the agenda, but you have to be there for the whole thing, sitting in an uncomfortable chair and attempting to hide the fact that you’re actually doing sudoku.  We’ve all had those thoughts cross our minds, the ones we’d never say out loud, the ones induced by extreme boredom and by resentment stemming from the piles of work waiting for us back in our offices that, let’s face it, we wouldn’t be doing anyway.  Here are my top ten inappropriate thoughts, culled from a professional lifetime of being forced to sit around for long periods of time doing nothing productive whatsoever:

1. I’ve had sexual encounters that took less time than this presentation, and that includes foreplay.
2. Hmmm.  Doris’ sudden illness that kept her out of the office most of last week has left her with a very nice tan.
3. Drink whenever someone uses the term “lateral thinking”!
4. It takes a lot to make me wish I were back at my desk returning phone calls, but congratulations, because you’ve managed it.
5. I know it’s only 9:30; is it wrong that I’m already fantasizing about lunch?
6. Twenty bucks to the first person to make a comment using the phrase “They call me Mister Tibbs!”
7. Wow.  At the end of the last presentation, I almost expected the speaker to do the Tebow.
8. I realize that you have to look after your seriously ill child, but you should have thought of that before you agreed to be in charge of a major project.
9. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!!!
10. Braaaiiiinnnnnssss………

And there you have it.  If you’ve ever been in a meeting that started first thing in the morning and for which you had to come back after lunch, I know you know what I’m talking about.  Cheers!  And when it comes to your turn, keep it short.  Just imagine what everyone’s thinking about you…