As regular readers of the blog will know, several famous paintings have been known to come on the blog and provide commentary on current events. The paintings have been muttering restively about the Republican primaries, so I thought I’d let them out of the box leading into Super Tuesday.
A quick rundown of the facts, since talking artwork isn’t usually big on spouting statistics: while not quite so super a Tuesday as it used to be, there are still 419 delegates at stake tomorrow, with 1144 needed to clinch the nomination. Mitt Romney currently has a healthy lead over Rick Santorum, and everyone else trails woefully far behind–but a sweep on Super Tuesday could put anyone back in the mix, so it’s still fun and games, even if I doubt anyone will lose an eye.
Now, without further ado, Famous Paintings discuss Super Tuesday:
Mona Lisa: They just don’t make Super Tuesdays like they used to. Come to think of it, they don’t really make presidential candidates like they used to. Ah, that William Jennings Bryan, there was a man who could give a speech!
The Scream: I know, and now they expect us to get excited about Mitt Romney? “Ooh, Mitt Romney can fix our economy! Ooh, Mitt Romney’s a businessman, he’ll clean things up! Yeah, he’ll clean up all right. How much is he worth now?
Whistler’s Mother: I like that Newt Gingrich fellow. He’s a firebrand. He’ll shake things up. And what a nice young man, so protective of his mother.
The Scream: You know he’s on his third wife and proposed an open marriage with his second wife, right?
Whistler’s Mother: Well, dear, I’ve had an arrangement with Van Gogh’s self-portrait for several decades now. People have urges. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
The Scream: Oh, God. Oh, God. That bastard. I can’t take the mental image. I feel like I need to yell, or shriek, or just…somehow…make noise….
Girl With A Pearl Earring: I like Rick Santorum. I know he’s not the sexiest candidate, but he just seems so dependable and sensible. And he’s right, not everyone needs to go to college to have a rewarding and fulfilling life.
Old Guitarist: You realize he’s a lawyer with an MBA, right? He actually has more advanced degrees than Barack Obama has! And he may be from a steel town, but I doubt he got any closer to blue-collar work than walking past construction sites on his way to work as a lobbyist.
Mona Lisa: Does anyone else miss Ronald Reagan? I mean, I know he drove us into an unprecedented deficit situation, but when you saw him onscreen, you really believed he was the President. The man had presence.
American Gothic: We’re just going to wait until we’re told who the candidate is for the Anyone But Obama party and vote for that one. Super Tuesday, as far as we’re concerned, is just known as That Annoying Day With No Good Television. Talk to us again in November.
Boy, that Old Guitarist is quite the liberal, isn’t he? And who knew that Mona Lisa was a Reagan supporter? And that Van Gogh’s Self Portrait, always causing problems. As always, the views expressed are those of the portraits themselves, and not of the blog in general. Happy voting!