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So it turns out I get cluster headaches. For those of you in blissful ignorance, cluster headaches are sort of like migraines that want to kill you. They’ve been likened to amputation without anesthetic, or childbirth without an epidural. On the downside, I ended up in the ER. On the upside, I scored some pretty sweet painkillers, and all I had to do was endure what has been described as the most intense pain a human can experience! And I thought I’d put that behind me with my last Statistics class.
The doctors and nurses at the ER kept asking me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I was there a while, and I had very little to do, so before the painkillers kick in, I will share with you the scale I came up with to give myself something to go by:
Little Blind Girl’s Scale of Relative Pain
Pick the level your pain most resembles:
1: Listening to elevator music
2: Getting ready to pay the cashier after waiting in a long line, only to remember that you left your card at home
3: Extended exposure to talk radio
4: Computer crashing just after you’ve finished a complex project and before you get a chance to save it
5: Dry cleaner ruining your favorite outfit
6: Realizing late on Christmas Eve that there’s one present you forgot to get
7: Calling that hot guy/girl whose number you scored and finding out he/she gave you a fake number
8: Your divorced parents each get remarried on the same day in different time zones and they both expect you to be at the wedding (has actually happened)
9: IRS audit
10: You can’t access the internet to be able to read the little blind girl’s blog!
All right, now that we’ve all acknowledged what’s really important in life, I’m off to have another bizarre prescription-influenced dream. Last night I dreamed that I was in a meeting and one of my colleagues got up in the middle of the meeting and started doing a stand-up routine. It was pretty good, too! I think I’m most disturbed by the fact that I was dreaming about meetings.
Say good night, Gracie! Good night, Gracie.