We’ve all been there. The pointless meeting that drags on and on, during which you have one, maybe two items to contribute out of thirty listed on the agenda, but you have to be there for the whole thing, sitting in an uncomfortable chair and attempting to hide the fact that you’re actually doing sudoku. We’ve all had those thoughts cross our minds, the ones we’d never say out loud, the ones induced by extreme boredom and by resentment stemming from the piles of work waiting for us back in our offices that, let’s face it, we wouldn’t be doing anyway. Here are my top ten inappropriate thoughts, culled from a professional lifetime of being forced to sit around for long periods of time doing nothing productive whatsoever:
- I’ve had sexual encounters that took less time than this presentation, and that includes foreplay.
- Hmmm. Doris’ sudden illness that kept her out of the office most of last week has left her with a very nice tan.
- Drink whenever someone uses the term “lateral thinking”!
- It takes a lot to make me wish I were back at my desk returning phone calls, but congratulations, because you’ve managed it.
- I know it’s only 9:30; is it wrong that I’m already fantasizing about lunch?
- Twenty bucks to the first person to make a comment using the phrase “They call me Mister Tibbs!”
- Wow. At the end of the last presentation, I almost expected the speaker to do the Tebow.
- I realize that you have to look after your seriously ill child, but you should have thought of that before you agreed to be in charge of a major project.
- Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!!!
And there you have it. If you’ve ever been in a meeting that started first thing in the morning and for which you had to come back after lunch, I know you know what I’m talking about. Cheers! And when it comes to your turn, keep it short. Just imagine what everyone’s thinking about you…
11 thoughts on “Top 10 Inappropriate Thoughts I Have Had During Meetings”
A good rule of thumb is that a presentation shouldn’t last longer than a typical sexual encounter. I realize this is going to put severe limitations on many presenters…
Hahahaha …very funny remark LBG
Haha, or there’s always the one person that will continue to drag out the meeting. “One more word and this meeting will conclude with one less person…”
Meetings should be like the Hunger Games, where each presentation sends in a representative to fight to the death, and the last one standing gets funding!
That would be fantastic. And if things were stopping to a standstill, we would release the wolves to quicken things up a bit. Hunger Games was really good by the way!
oooorrrr, my absolute favourite… “if I think hard enough, maybe that truck outside will swerve right into this room, bringing down the house and i’ll miraculosly escape death and be able to go home and get there in time for Mad Men.”
I think about celebrities- “I wonder what Jon Bon Jovi is doing right now? He’s probably in a meeting, she’s such a sexy entrepreneur. Nobody in this room is sexy at all. George Clooney is very sexy. I wonder what George is doing right now? ……”
Hilarious! And here I am, thinking I’m the only one thinking about lunch by 9:30am. Okay, okay, 9am. Sigh.
At my last job I was the designated “Minute taker” for like every major committee meeting in the dept. that would almost always be held on Mondays mornings!
If I wasn’t thinking about my weekend, and how I really shouldn’t have stayed up so late, I was trying to figure out a way to sleep with my eyes open, while willing my brain to remember everything that was said, all while sucking down every cup of coffee in the vicinity. And praying to God that I remembered to lock my computer lest someone can see that my (Insert chat client here) was up. Ah the memories!