I don’t really know how time travel works. I’ve watched movies and read books that use it as a device, but I’ve also watched movies and read books that have things like meet-cutes and happy endings and other things I’ve never encountered in real life, so who knows. Maybe someday someone will invent a time machine that will allow my younger self to read this blog before it has even been written. On the off-chance that this happens, I thought I’d write a letter to my younger self with a few words of wisdom:
Dear Younger Self,
When you are very little, you will believe everything your older sister tells you. Don’t do this. It will not be a good idea for about sixteen years. For instance, despite what your sister says, there are no My Little Ponies in the woods behind your house. There is, however, poison ivy. You have been warned.
When you are a little older (for reference: old enough to know what poison ivy looks like), you will sometimes feel bad because the kids at school will make fun of you. I thought you might like a little perspective on how being different is actually a good thing and how it gets better with time. Then I thought you’d probably rather have some ammo to use against them, so here it is: Danny, the kid who made up that rhyme about your last name, has a crush on his best friend, who has a crush on your best friend, who hasn’t actually worked out that boys aren’t icky yet. That ought to last you for a while. I know. You’re welcome.
When you start going through puberty, you’re going to need to know a lot of things that will take you an unfairly long time to learn. I’m not going to tell you most of them for fear of messing with the space-time continuum, and also because looking back on this time in my life helps me realize that things now really aren’t that bad. I will, however, let you know a few things. One, your boobs will eventually end up more or less the same size. I know how freaked out you are about that. Second, this is the time in your life when you find out who you are. This is when you learn the skills that get you through life—not trigonometry, which never ends up coming in handy no matter what Mr. Jaffurs says, but the really hard things. This is when you learn how to deal with people who don’t like you, or tests you haven’t studied for, or just general unfairness. There are always going to be people who don’t like you, and tests you haven’t studied for, and general unfairness, and you’re going to have to deal with them. And, guess what? You do. Honestly, you do it really well. It’s the kind of thing you don’t get graded on (except for the tests), but it’s what gets you through the hard times, and not everybody learns it. So, good job. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Also, start hoarding toilet paper. It’s going to be like gold in 2020.
Me (at least for now)