I don’t talk to my cats, because I’m not a crazy cat lady.  Okay, I do talk to my cats, but I’m still not a crazy cat lady because they don’t answer me.  In English.  Yet.  I worry that someday they will, though, and here are some of the things I’m afraid they might say to me:

1. Sometimes I just fake a purr so you’ll stop and I can get some sleep.
2. I’m not sure the vet got everything down there, if you know what I mean.
3. Not that I care what you’re wearing, because I’m a cat, and cats only have one outfit, and it’s awesome, but that shirt looks terrible on you.
4. Why is it okay for you to feed us food you think smells disgusting?
5. I can’t decide which of my favorite pee-spots to use.  Thoughts?
6. We’re thinking of getting another human.
7. So, I’ve memorized all your passwords and I just figured out how to type…
8. Pass the remote, I want to watch that show about the Kardashians.
9. Oh, hey, remember that time when you accidentally bashed my head on the doorknob and I couldn’t walk straight for, like, a week but you didn’t take me to the vet because it would mean you wouldn’t have beer money?  I do.
10. Whatchu talkin bout, Willis?!

I’m a little surprised by number 8; I had them pegged as more “Say Yes To The Dress” types.  And if they ever do actually say number 10 I’ll die laughing, especially since in my head they sound like Zooey Deschanel.  I swear I’m not a crazy cat lady!  Maybe just crazy?

[Image in the public domain via pixabay.com]