National Don’t Bother Me Day

Jerry is frustrated by Tom who believes that h...

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I’ve decided that everyone should get a Don’t Bother Me day.  A Don’t Bother Me day is one day a week when you deal with all your regularly scheduled crap, but no one gets to dump unscheduled crap on you.  Your boss can’t fire you, the IRS can’t give you notice of an audit, you can’t get served with divorce papers, the bank can’t foreclose on your house.  The postal service has to hold back any mail marked DBM-unsafe (wouldn’t that be a fun job, DBM Inspector?)  You pick one regular weekly Don’t Bother Me day, and we’ll keep track of it all in a National Don’t Bother Me Day Registry.  We’ll have to have exceptions for medical emergencies for you or your immediate family, but no other exceptions, period.  Don’t Bother Me means Don’t Bother Me.

If anyone tries to bother you on your Don’t Bother Me day, it’s a defense to whatever they’re bothering you with that they tried it on a Don’t Bother Me day.  The IRS can’t proceed with the audit, the divorcing spouse can’t get alimony.  For violators of Don’t Bother Me day, a civil penalty will be assessed and will go toward the maintenance of the national registry.  After a certain number of violations, that person’s own Don’t Bother Me day rights will be revoked.  It seems only fair.  They can petition to have them restored after they demonstrate sufficient consideration for the rights of others.

This goes for private and personal stuff, too, and I think a certain amount of social stigma should attach to those who violate someone’s Don’t Bother Me day by dumping on them emotionally on that day.  Those who break up with their significant others on their Don’t Bother Me days should expect their cars to get egged, or to find their pictures on websites detailing the gruesome exploits of those dregs of society, the Don’t Bother Me day violators.  Or, ooh!  A tabloid devoted to their exploits, published regularly and available at every supermarket.  DBM Violators Weekly; I’d subscribe.

For me, I’m going to start things rolling by declaring my Don’t Bother Me day as Tuesday.  Many would go with Monday, and I respect that choice, but for me every Tuesday is a day I just want to get through with work, hurry home, read trashy books and drink strawberry soda that tastes nothing like strawberries.  Anyone who tries to bother me on this day can expect to have his or her head handed to him.  Making this my Don’t Bother Me day really just gives people fair warning of this.  I’m only trying to make the world a better place.  Don’t we all deserve a day off from dealing with life’s crap?

26 thoughts on “National Don’t Bother Me Day

  1. Does it apply to lst and 3rd Tuesdays? Doesn’t this infringe upon others’ lst Amendment rights. For example, consider that
    I don’t give a rat’s ass that it’s your Tuesday. I just feel like dumping on you. It may be a verbal dump; and emotional dump, or a professional dump. Don’t I have a God given right to dump when and where I so please? Hell, I’m a dumping pro. How dare you try and curb my talent.

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    • Regularly scheduled crap cannot be avoided just because it’s that person’s Don’t Bother Me day. I would never interfere with your God given right! Though I might suggest not using phrases such as “I’m a dumping pro”. Just sayin….

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  2. BRILLIANT IDEA! That’s weird b/c I’m not a fan of Tuesdays either. I know people who hate Mondays but have never heard anyone say they need a Don’t Bother Me Tuesday. I just don’t like that day! Count me in. Where do I sign up??

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  3. First of all, I want to sincerely apologize to the LBG for my earlier posting. One could assume that saying ” I don’t give a rat’s ass” about your “Don’t Bother Me Day” might be construed as meaning that one doesn’t give a rat’s ass about not bothering the LBG on Tuesdays. That’s not what I meant to say. What I really meant to say was that I will respect the LBG’s request not to be bothered on Tuesdays; or any other damn day of the week.
    At this juncture, some of you are asking yourselves, “WTF is up with this?!” Well, let me explain. As the LBG worked through her postings, she stated that one punishment for those who would violate a person’s DBMD would be an “egging”. How I scoffed at the idea that a LBG could egg me. Hell, we live in different towns. So, imagine my shock, fear and awe when my wife called to tell me that our Jeep had been egged last night. True damn story. Upon my arrival back home, tonight, I saw the shells and yoak to confirm said egging.
    Now, what I fear is that the LBG has developed a “cult”. That’s right a cult. And, there are those among you who follow her bidding; no questions asked.
    For those of you, who are not within the cult, I send you the following warnings:
    1: Don’t mess with the LBG; and,
    2: Don’t drink the Kool-Aid.
    Jus’ sayin!!
    b

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  4. I’ll subscribe with one stipulation. My DBMD’s will be ALL days, before Noon! Not a morning person and don’t want to offend anyone with my nasty attitude before that wonderful hour of Noon! Sign me up!

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  5. Pingback: Now you’re speaking my language! | iliketheworldfuzzy

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