Pick up lines by Johnny Depp

I’ve become something of a connoisseur of pick-up lines.  I thought I’d get my good friend Johnny Depp to help me present my top ten favorite pick-up lines for your entertainment:

10.  Johnny’s always so polite:

9.  Oh, Johnny, you can have my number any time:

8.  I love this one.  You win either way:

7.  Actually shouted out of a window at a friend once, though sadly not by Johnny Depp:

6.  Best used earlier in the evening, as slurring will lessen the impact:

5.  Works surprisingly often, especially when you look like this:

4.  A classic for a reason:

3.  This one depends heavily on delivery:

2.  This one may be apocryphal:

1.  My all-time favorite:

Many thanks to Johnny Depp for helping me with this post.  May your box office returns ever increase.  I leave you now with a highly requested image:  I’ve been asked what I actually look like, so I’m posting a picture of me writing this blog.  Enjoy!

I like my posts like I like my men, short and funny

Because that last post was a bummer and I like to leave you guys with a laugh:

Little blind girl walks into a bar, goes up to place her drink order, has the following exchange:

Random guy:  Nice shoes.  Wanna f*ck?

Little blind girl:  Um, no thanks.

(turns around, walks to friends’ table)

Friend:  Man, that guy was really cute!

Little blind girl:  That explains a lot.