Tag Archives: Clothing

Clothes are better than diaries

Wall Closet

Wall Closet (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I clean out my closet fairly often, since I don’t have much room for clothes and therefore can’t keep items that don’t fit or that I don’t wear.  I’ve been more or less the same size since high school, so I’ve got a few items that are pretty old, and it’s funny to trace my evolution through my fashion choices.

I still have the olive green corduroys with butterflies on the back pockets that a friend persuaded me to buy in college with money that really should have gone toward things like printer paper and food. I still fit in them because I habitually buy frivolous items with money that should have gone toward food.  They’re actually a little big on me now, but it’s okay because I’m much more likely these days to slouch around a park in the afternoon than to go to a party.  Just as well to have the extra room.  It’s hard to slouch effectively in tight pants.

Then there are the lace-up black ankle boots that I fell in love with fifteen years ago and had to have, and that I still wear because they have brilliant rubber soles with tread in addition to three-inch spike heels, and I’m convinced I could outrun attackers, defuse the bomb and save the boy when I’m wearing those boots.  I can wear them just about anywhere, in any setting.  I’ve gone hiking in them, and I’ve gone to church in them.  Other boots have come and gone, but the black ankle boots remain, and are a pretty good metaphor for who I am.

 

John Lennon

John Lennon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But I think my favorite item of clothing is a T-shirt that I stole from my big sister, a T-shirt of John Lennon in NYC.  It’s as old as I am, thin as tissue, with holes in areas that necessitate wearing it with another shirt underneath if I’m going out in public.  It’s authentic vintage and definitely the coolest piece of clothing in my closet.  Cooler than the jacket that looks like leather but is actually animal-friendly and washable, cooler than the gold silk skirt that will always look classy no matter what’s in style, cooler than the classic white button-down blouse my mother got me when I landed my first grown-up job.  Of course, it’s that much cooler since I had to filch it from my sister’s drawer when she was still living at home!  Sorry, Big Sis.  I love you, but we’re talking John Lennon here.

These days I mostly buy suits and pantyhose, with the occasional pair of neutral-colored slacks and a tasteful selection of work-appropriate shirts.  But back in the day, I rocked torn jeans and a vintage tee.  Sometimes I still do, on the weekends.  Maybe I’ll drag Johnny out tomorrow, hit a few bars, and see if I get carded.  Like I said at the beginning of this post, I don’t have room to store clothes I don’t wear!

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Clothes I just don’t get

I love clothes.  I’m a girl, a girly girl, with purses and shoes and makeup and everything.  But even I’ll admit that some clothes, I don’t get.  This came home to me while I was perusing one of those online sample sale things where the designer clothes are marked way, way down to prices still completely outside my price range.  It’s safer to internet-shop than to window-shop, I’ve found, primarily because there are no dressing rooms online.  Still, no dressing room is going to make any of these things make sense to me:

1.  Jeggings

Leggings and jeans should never go together.  What was the inventor of jeggings thinking? “Hmm, what should I wear today, leggings or jeans?  It’s impossible to choose, they’re both so comfortable and flattering.  I know!  I’ll combine the two into something not nearly as comfortable as either leggings or jeans and horrifically unflattering into the bargain!  Wow, this fashion contribution is going right up there with the poncho, I can just tell!”

 

2.  Partial bikini sale

Technically, this isn’t an objection to an item of clothing, but it’s related.  I don’t understand why I keep seeing one part of a bikini on sale.  Except in certain parts of Europe, the two parts go together.  Was one half of the bikini flying off the shelves, but try as they might, the stores just couldn’t move the other half?  I don’t understand.

 

 

 

3.  Miniskirt and Uggs together

College girls, you know you’re guilty of this.  Just because you’re little and cute doesn’t excuse this fashion absurdity (disclaimer: there is a vocal minority that would say otherwise.  They can find their own blog.  In fact, I’m pretty sure they already have).  If it’s warm enough to wear a miniskirt, it’s too warm to wear fleece-lined boots.  If it’s cold enough that you need fleece-lined boots, it’s too cold to wear a miniskirt, I don’t care how thick your tights are.  Just stop.

 

4.  Skinny jeans

I firmly believe that Kate Moss invented these in order to have something that makes her look like she has hips.  For everyone else on the planet, these just make us look chunky around the middle and generally ill-proportioned.  Wearing skinny jeans will, alas, not make us look like Kate Moss.  That requires years of conscientious anorexia and diligent purging.  Until then, just wait patiently for this tragic fad to pass.

 

5.  Short-sleeved coats

WTF?  I mean, seriously, WTF?

 

 

 

 

 

 

And there you have it.  Shopping with the Little Blind Girl is a mix of high-pitched squeals, sudden rushes into the sock section, and holding out an item of clothing in utter confusion, wondering how much someone got paid to design it and what they were on at the time.  Someday someone is going to wear a bikini top with a miniskirt over skinny jeggings and Uggs, all covered with a short-sleeved coat, and my head is going to explode.  I’ll bet if I looked hard enough, I could find a picture on the Internet of someone dressed like that right now.

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