You know those TV journalists on 60 Minutes and the evening news who do exposés on sweatshops and conduct interviews with people who have their faces blurred out? I have one of them in my head. She likes to turn everything in my life into a hard-hitting news story and do dramatic voiceovers at inconvenient moments (of course, for me, everyone’s faces are already blurred out, which saves some work). It can get a little silly at times. For example:
In line at the convenience store:
Cashier: I’m sorry, we’re all out of Milk Duds.
Imaginary Voiceover: And that’s when the Little Blind Girl knew that something was very wrong in Candyland.
At the mall:
Sales Associate: Would you like to try a free sample?
Imaginary Voiceover: But as the Little Blind Girl was about to learn the hard way: nothing in life is ever truly free.
Getting ready for a date:
Friend: Try the blue skirt. So where are you going?
Little Blind Girl: He wants to surprise me. I just hope he doesn’t end up taking me to the Taxidermy Circus, like the last guy did.
Imaginary Voiceover: A “good date”: does it really exist, or is it just a story we tell to make ourselves shave? The answer may surprise you!
Writing a blog:
Little Blind Girl: Crap. Where’d all my ideas go?
Imaginary Voiceover: It’s 9:00. Do you know where your ideas are?
Now you know: this is why I sometimes laugh at what appears to be nothing. Well, this, and the way I like to replace random bits of movie dialogue with the word “pie” in my head (Darth Vader: Your lack of pie disturbs me). And sometimes it’s because I just got a joke I heard two days ago. So until we meet again, gentle readers, may the pie be with you. Don’t worry; you’ll get it in a couple of days.
[Image By CBS Television (Public domain), via Wikimedia Commons]
2 thoughts on “Voiceovers In My Head: Totally Normal, Right?”
The voiceover is totally normal. Well, maybe not normal, per se, but I have one l, too, so close enough to normal.
Imaginary voiceover: And in what may be life’s most important lesson, we find that “normal” means about as much as a campaign promise during the primaries. Unfortunately for the Little Blind Girl, it was a lesson she learned too late…