Elegy For A Suicide

The world is fractured and I keep feeling lost
since he died. Time falters forward, pausing occasionally
to look for him. I glance over my shoulder
when I hear a twig break or a door sigh
the way he used to, though I try not to,
and I miss him again. He was a dream, an idyll and ideal
and now a martyr. His crusade for love
left him damaged and afraid, alone in his mind.
I couldn’t reach him in time and so he left
without me, escaping on eager, trembling wings.
I remember him when a conversation stutters,
when a star tumbles to the ground,
when a beautiful girl cries. Mercy
and grace must surely be his, if anyone’s.  I believe
he came to rest among angels who understood him,
and now he shines in the diffuse indigo night
for everyone, and not just for me. I believe this
because as I stumble through the pieces of this world,
only the heavens make sense.

5 thoughts on “Elegy For A Suicide

  1. I lost my brother to suicide and I can tell you that the biggest comfort I received was a co-worker had mentioned to me that my brother was in a peaceful place, in spite of what suffering he may have felt alive. It’s some what twisted, because it almost sounds like an endorsement, but I needed to hear that he was okay…

    I’m truly sorry for your friend and those who knew and loved him.

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    • Thank you, I really appreciate your sympathy. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. That’s a terrible thing to have to go through, for both of you. I hope he and my friend really are in a peaceful place. This poem—I don’t know. It’s how I feel and it was something I needed to get out, but I hope it doesn’t have a bad effect on anyone who’s in a vulnerable state. Mostly I just didn’t think anyone would read it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What a beautiful soul you have. Your writings could not have a bad effect on anyone. I’m sure you are loved and appreciated by everyone who is fortunate enough to call you friend…And by some you will never know, but are touched by your humanity here on this blog.

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  3. Anonymous said it well. I wish you did not have to grieve for your dear true friend. You probably gave him a large measure of joy, supporting him with your unconditional love while you two stumbled through the pieces of this world together. I pray for your heart to heal, and your spirit to soar again. Your poem is lovely, and I’m sure your writings affect a lot of people…more than you know. Please do keep posting, and don’t think you always have to be upbeat. You are allowed to be sad sometimes.

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