This is how people end up jumping out of planes

Two friends

Two friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was talking with some friends the other day.  We hadn’t spoken in a while, and we were comparing all the exciting developments in our lives.  Friend #1, a gorgeous blonde who compounds the offense by being both smart and nice, says “I just gave birth to my third child!”  This after posting a picture of herself on Facebook with said child while wearing a sheath dress and sporting a perfect tan.  Hate her.  No, I don’t.

Friend #2, a sexy dark-eyed brunette with lips people go through multiple painful surgeries to emulate, says “I just got promoted!  I’m now running the company I started working for when we graduated from school!”  I have her Christmas card in my apartment.  It has a picture of her with her huge, loving, crazy, amazing family all mugging cheerfully for the camera while seated around a truly fantastic-looking dinner table.  Hate her.  No, I don’t.  She sends me cookies.

Friend #3, another brunette with incredible light eyes that show up like stars against her dark skin, confides “It’s been four years since I was widowed.  I thought I would never love again, but I’ve found someone wonderful, and we’re getting married this fall!  It’s been a kind of miracle, the kids love him just as much as I do.  I’m so glad they’ll have a father-figure they really care about.”  Can’t hate her.  Really happy for her.

So then they all ask me what’s been going on in my life.  And there’s just nothing.  I’ve been scrounging around in my brain during the entire conversation, trying to come up with something, and I’ve got nothing.  What do I do?  Make something up?  Tell them about how I read the Hunger Games trilogy in one day?  I’m on the spot, and having a bad hair day to boot, and I blurt out “My blog got Freshly Pressed!”  Crickets.  Well-meaning, supportive crickets, but crickets nevertheless.  Finally, Friend #1 (and this is why I can’t hate her) says “That’s great that you’re still keeping a blog, honey!  I’ve always thought that’s so brave.”

And I thought:  That’s it, I’m going skydiving!

34 thoughts on “This is how people end up jumping out of planes

  1. Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane to take a chance that some idiot has packed your parachute correctly and that you won’t come down in high tension lines has always seemed a bit strange to me, although to be fair I think bunge jumping is even stranger. Dangling on the end of a rubber band doesn’t do anything for me. Now jet ski boats or snowmobiles … that’s different.

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  2. Why don’t my post take the lst time!
    So, I’ll try again.
    I can’t picture you (THE LBG) jumping out of an airplane. You threw a tizzy when we started on an ATV ride. And, you insisted that we return to camp ASAP. Then again, I was driving, and I do have a reputation of being “bold”. But, ATV vs. jumping out of a plane. Really, I’m not that dangerous. Well, maybe.

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    • It’s more because I’m trying to adjust and refocus my eyesight from second to second on an ATV. I have the theory that, if I jump out of a plane, I can just go with it! Actually, I guess I’d kind of have to…

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      • ATV with me driving vs. jumping out of an airplane. Forgive me for taking this personaly. Maybe next time I should let you drive.

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  3. Omgsh I totally get you. My life is pretty uneventful while I have two friends who are getting married and a cousin who is insanely happily married. Me? I got officially divorced recently and the thought of love makes me nauseous. LOL You’re not the only one, dear. But you know what? The way you write your blogs, your outlook on things, you’re awesome! Thats why I’m following your blogs, cuz in this hostile world, I need something to make me laugh and your blogs do that for me. So it’s all a matter of opinion. 🙂

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  4. Greetings! LOVE this post as it helps me understand why at times, my friends act in certain ways. How timely of your blog. I guess I never thought of it from multiple perspectives. Thanks for cooling my coals into happy lumps instead.

    And uh, your blog is totally AWESOME. It means you’re a writer. Yup, that’s right, Abigail Thomas says it in Thinking About Memoir. YOU are a writer. Take that friends #1, 2, and 3! Ha!

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  5. LMAO… I was at a luncheon the other day and ended up sitting next to my Chief. Trying to make conversation, he asked me “so what’s new with your family?” Now, I have a great family and there’s always something going on, but I completely blanked out. Nothing. Nada. Finally came up with something un-lame and kept going, but for a few seconds there I was being sucked into a black hole in the universe. That’s why I write, because I absolutely suck at conversation. Oh, and yes, your blog is awesome. That’s why I follow it.

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  6. Pingback: Catching Butterflies | Pink Ninjabi

  7. I adore your sense of humor. Don’t we all have persons we hate/not really? Your talent is writing and making people smile. And that’s better than a jump out of a plane door any day of the week.
    Happy Pages,
    CricketMuse

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  8. I swear Ive had this exact convo with a good friend.
    We came up with 2 conclusions. I either needed a “token fat friend” that I could hang out with, then ultimately hate myself for abusing said person, or my current route admit it, Im fabulous – I have to be, every freaking person in my life is gorgeous, fabulous, amazing and totally has their sh*t together… Then again… I have a blog :/ http://trustbelievefaithhopelove.wordpress.com/

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