I’m always getting unexplained bruises and scratches. It’s hard to avoid the edge of the coffee table when it’s made of glass and you’re legally blind–for which the lesson is probably something like, don’t buy a glass coffee table if you’re legally blind, but that’s another post. I don’t even remember how I get these things, but they show up regularly on my legs, arms, neck, face, all over. People exclaim over them: “Oh, no! How did you get that bruise?” And when I tell them I don’t know, they totally look at me like they think I’m being abused. Which I’m not, but that’s kind of a lengthy explanation to give to a random person who’s just asking about that bruise under my ear that I think I might have gotten when I tripped over the bathmat that got bunched up and I fell into the towel rack, but I’m really not sure and it might have been from when I was trying to get a can off the top shelf in the kitchen and I lost my balance and smacked myself with the cabinet door.
So I think I’m just going to have fun with it. “Oh, that one? This kid I was babysitting tried a karate chop on me, but he stopped when I drop-kicked him across the room.” Or, “that scratch? I was giving a performance art exhibition and one of the pulleys snapped, and the yak horn went right through my scuba suit!” Or, “It’s that guy from the pretzel kiosk. Can you believe it? I swore it would be the last time.” Just to see how people react. Suggestions are welcome, as long as you don’t mind if I end up using them on you!