There are discoveries that revolutionize the world. Fire, the wheel, penicillin, Megan Fox, these are all remarkable finds that have changed day to day lives the world round. There is such a discovery about to bring light into our darkened lives right now. Dr. David Edwards, a biomedical engineering professor at Harvard, has invented a caffeine inhaler that will deliver the same amount of caffeine as a large cup of coffee, but in a single breath.
Could this be the fabled breath of life? Since I was a little blind toddler, I’ve dreamed of having an IV of caffeine that I could just wheel around with me as I go places. I could lower or raise the dosage depending on whether I’m at an amusement park or in a meeting. I read about this caffeine inhaler discovery and I thought, “My God! This is fantastic! I love this doctor! I don’t know who he is or anything about him, but I love him.” Surely, if President Obama can win a Nobel Prize for nothing anyone can quite put their finger on, then Dr. Edwards should get a Nobel Prize for this magnificent scientific discovery and service to humanity.
Strangely, I seem to be in the minority in this reaction. When I learned the news, I was full of eagerness to tell my friends and colleagues. I thought there would be instant rejoicing, perhaps all business halted as celebrations began in the streets and in town squares across the nation. Instead, I got furrowed brows and mutterings of “health concerns,” “uncertain long-term consequences” and “potential for abuse.” I was appalled; my spirits drooped; my friends did not share my joy. How could this be?
Ok, first of all, I just want to point out that caffeine is currently available in pill form, so I’m not sure the inhaler is going to cause a spate of caffeine overdoses, for which you would need to ingest the equivalent of about eighty cups of coffee. Second, people, people, this is fantastic news! A shot of caffeine, anytime, anywhere, no need for any beverage, no brewing, no spilling, no cleaning. Instant energy, available in packs of six. One for every day of the week, still allowing for a day of rest–very Christian. What could possibly go wrong?
I especially love the portability of the product. The possibilities are endless: I was thinking about buying several packs and stringing the inhalers together in a kind of belt, so that I’d always have one available. Or, I could hollow out a heel in my shoes so that I can fit an inhaler inside. Or, I could wrap an inhaler in ribbon, glue a bow on top and a clip on bottom and use it as a hair ornament. Caffeinated from head to toe. I may never sleep again.
I’m a little worried that my first reaction, before any other thought had time to occur, was overwhelming, giddy joy. That’s not a sign of anything, is it? Well, just like the invention of fire, I suppose caffeine inhalers can burn as well as bring warmth and light to the cold, dark, desolate night. But, man, if this brings about the downfall of western civilization as a friend of mine suggested, what a way to go. I bet with a caffeine overdose, it’ll keep you moving for so long after your heart stops that people may not notice anything until a week after you’ve died. In fact, I bet I could get out at least three blog posts before someone catches on and buries me. For all you know, this may be one of them….