It’s been a while since I did a quiz, so I thought I’d lay another one on you. Lately, I’ve been biting my tongue a lot and expending a lot of energy making myself do what I’m supposed to as opposed to what I want to do (example: what I want to do is watch all four Pirates of the Caribbean movies back to back. What I actually do is file my taxes). I think it’s taking its toll!
So here, gentle readers, is a quiz about some common situations with what I actually do in those situations, and you have to choose what you think I wanted to do! How well do you know your Little Blind Girl? Let’s find out:
A. The Little Blind Girl is walking home after work in the rain, being passed by car after car while trudging through every puddle on the sidewalk. One car deliberately drives close to the sidewalk and splashes through the water at the edge of the road, drenching the LBG. What the LBG does: sighs, shakes off the worst of the water, and keeps going. What does the LBG actually want to do in this situation?
- Whip out a bow and arrow like Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games) and take out the driver’s tires.
- Hotwire a nearby motorcycle, catch up to the driver, and run him off the road into a nearby stream.
- Get the license plate information, use mad computer skills to track down where the driver lives, jimmy open the car door at night with more mad skills, and dump a bucket of water on the driver’s seat.
- Take a picture of the car and driver, rent a billboard along that road, and post the picture on the billboard with a rude epithet that would make the LBG’s Sainted Mother blush.
- Report the driver to the police.
B. On the way out of her apartment, the LBG passes her neighbor’s miniscule dog, which is tethered to a post by its leash. As usual, the dog starts barking like crazy the minute it sees the LBG, attempting to break its restraints and eviscerate her as a suspected malefactor. What the LBG does: hisses at the dog like she’s a cat. What does the LBG actually want to do?
- See if she can kick the dog so hard that it starts flying around in a circle at the end of its leash.
- “Accidentally” let the dog loose…right near a major highway.
- Record the dog barking at top volume, put it on loop, and play it next to her neighbor’s bedroom window at 2 in the morning.
- Hang a raw steak just outside the dog’s reach right after the neighbor has gone for the day and left the dog alone.
- Dog stew.
C. The LBG receives a friend request on Facebook from someone she doesn’t know. Upon further investigation, it turns out that the person is her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. What the LBG does: pretends not to notice the request. What does the LBG actually want to do?
- Figure out if there’s a way to reject a friend request with extreme prejudice.
- Accept the request and obsessively check new girlfriend’s updates, friend list, pictures, etc. while eating Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and crying to herself.
- Accept the request and Facebook-stalk ex-boyfriend through new girlfriend’s page, perhaps using the information to “just happen” to bump into him at that concert he posted about planning on going to, while “just happening” to look fabulous.
- Accept the request and get all her friends to post to her Facebook page about how fantastic her life is now that she’s finally rid of that crummy ex-boyfriend.
- Delete her Facebook account and join a convent.
D. The LBG is attempting to take care of some personal business. The person with whom she is dealing hands her a 22-page contract in eight point font, single-spaced, with half-inch margins and says, “Here, have a glance at this and then sign it.” What the LBG does: patiently explains that it’s not going to be possible for her to read it in its current format and requests a large-print version, taking secret satisfaction in the flummoxed expression on the man’s face. What does the LBG actually want to do?
- Smile sweetly and say, “My vision isn’t very good. Why don’t you read it to me?”
- Make him sit there while she reads every line and asks questions about every detail.
- Sign it as “Minnie Mouse.”
- Roll it up into a makeshift bat and hit the man over the head repeatedly with it, yelling “How do you like this, huh? Getting a little headache? Cause that’s how it makes me feel when I have to read crap like this! Use normal font!!!”
- Exactly what she did! Not that she’s at all passive-aggressive.
Here are the answers: A, 1. B, 5. C, 3. D, 4. Ha! You were totally thinking the answer to the last question was 5. I am passive-aggressive, but I have dreams of being just plain aggressive. So how well did you do? Do you know your LBG? Post your results in the comments and let me know!