“Unnecessary” Quotation Marks In “Famous” Books

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The “Library” by Quinn Dombrowski https://flic.kr/p/89CE1X

Whoops!  I accidentally knocked a pile of unnecessary quotation marks into my classic literature collection.  Let’s see what happened:

Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)

It is a “truth” universally “acknowledged”, that a “single man” in possession of a “good fortune”, must be in want of a “wife”.

However little known the “feelings” or “views” of such a “man” may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this “truth” is so well fixed in the “minds” of the surrounding families, that he is considered the “rightful property” of some one or other of their “daughters”.

A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)

It was “the best” of times, it was “the worst” of times, it was the age of “wisdom”, it was the age of “foolishness”, it was the “epoch of belief”, it was the “epoch of incredulity”, it was the “season of Light”, it was the “season of Darkness”, it was the spring of “hope”, it was the winter of “despair”, we had “everything” before us, we had “nothing” before us, we were all going direct to “Heaven”, we were all going direct the “other way” – in short, the “period” was so far like the “present period”, that some of its noisiest “authorities” insisted on its being “received”, for good or for evil, in the “superlative” degree of “comparison only”.

The Republic (Plato)

I “went down” yesterday to the Piraeus with Glaucon the “son” of Ariston, that I might offer up my “prayers” to the “goddess” (Bendis, the “Thracian” Artemis.); and also because I wanted to see in what manner they would “celebrate” the festival, which was a “new thing”. I was “delighted” with the procession of the “inhabitants”; but that of the “Thracians” was equally, if not more, “beautiful”. When we had finished our “prayers” and viewed “the spectacle”, we turned in the direction of the “city”; and at that instant Polemarchus the “son” of Cephalus chanced to “catch sight” of us “from a distance” as we were starting on our way home, and told his “servant” to run and bid us wait for him. The servant “took hold” of me by the “cloak” behind, and said: Polemarchus “desires” you to wait.

Genesis (God)

In “the beginning” when God “created” the heavens and the earth, the “earth” was a “formless void” and darkness “covered” the face of the deep, while a “wind from God” swept over the face of the “waters”.  Then God said, “Let there be light”*; and there was “light”.  And God saw that the light was “good”; and God “separated” the light from the darkness.  God “called” the light Day, and the darkness he “called” Night.  And there was “evening” and there was “morning”, the “first day”.

Man, it’s a good thing this was an “accident”; if I’d done it on purpose, I’d be going straight to “Hell”.

* these quotation marks are in the original

Mad libs and whistling marmosets

P writing blue

Image via Wikipedia

For your reading pleasure and, I hope, your entertainment, I have composed a mad lib about the adventures of the little blind girl.  Go down the list below, pick your words–before you read the mad lib!–then fill in the blanks and see what you get:

1.  noun, singular.  2.  verb, past tense.  3.  noun, singular.  4.  noun; singular or plural.  5.  adjective  6. noun, plural. 7.  question  8. statement.  9. noun, plural.  10.  verb, infinitive 11. adverb. 12.  insult. 13. living creature 14. verb, present tense.

The little blind girl looked up and squinted at the ___________ (noun, singular).  She shook her head, sighed, and _____________ (verb, past tense), something she hadn’t done in way too long.  Once the ____________ (noun, singular) wore off, she went to the store across the street toward the ___________ (noun; singular or plural) and bought one of the ____________ (adjective) _____________ (noun, plural), a purchase she would come to regret.

The clerk smiled at the little blind girl and said, “_____________ (question)?”  The little blind girl, a little puzzled, replied “_______________ (statement).”  The clerk gave the little blind girl her change and waved goodbye.

On the way back across the street, the little blind girl noticed a shop selling ___________ (noun, plural) she had never noticed before, and decided to ____________ (verb, infinitive) her way inside.  But as soon as she stepped in the store, the shopkeeper looked ___________ (adverb) at her and said, “_____________________ (insult)!”  The little blind girl left in a huff.

Back in her apartment, the little blind girl smiled wistfully at her ____________ (living creature) and said, “At least you don’t _________ (verb, present tense)!”

Here’s what I got:

The little blind girl looked up and squinted at the pilgrim hat.  She shook her head, sighed, and did the electric slide, something she hadn’t done in way too long.  Once the pizza wore off, she went to the store across the street toward the shoes and bought one of the stupefying Hawaiian shirts, a purchase she would come to regret.

The clerk smiled at the little blind girl and said, “Where will you be when the Rapture comes?”  The little blind girl, a little puzzled, replied “I’ve never been able to play the tuba.”  The clerk gave the little blind girl her change and waved goodbye.

On the way back across the street, the little blind girl noticed a shop selling tutus that she had never noticed before, and decided to mime her way inside.  But as soon as she stepped in the door, the shopkeeper looked saltily at her and said, “You have the most horrifying socks I’ve ever seen!”  The little blind girl left in a huff.

Back in her apartment, the little blind girl smiled wistfully at her marmoset and said, “At least you don’t whistle!”

Really, I think it was worth it for the last sentence alone!  Feel free to share your versions.  And, for the record, I think my socks are awesome.

Marmoset: CC Image by Tony Hisgett via Flickr