Dear Weird Guy I Met At The Bar,
I want you to know that, even though I wouldn’t give you my phone number or my real name, I’m so glad we met. Not because you said you liked my hair; although that’s usually a solid move with a girl, I’d recommend against using the word “fetish” within the first half hour of conversation. I appreciated the super-clear warning sign, don’t get me wrong, but maybe ease into that a little more slowly next time. With someone other than me. But that’s not why I’m glad we met.
It’s also not because we had a deep and meaningful conversation about the relevance of Eastern philosophies on contemporary Western living. We might have, if you had been able to pronounce the words “Bhagavad Gita,” but even if your speech hadn’t been slurred from what you initially claimed was your third beer and eventually admitted was your seventh, I doubt we would have ended up discussing the theistic aspects of moksha. Also, the “main dude” in the Bhagavad Gita is named Arjuna, not Arwen, and that’s still not why I’m glad we met.
I did get some entertainment out of listening to you try to convince me that you like doing yoga because you enjoy the female energy and that you never even notice the boobs of the women in your class. It was especially amusing because, for the ten minutes before you gazed into my eyes and made that earnest declaration, you’d been addressing most of your intoxicated musings to my cleavage. Not an original move, no, but the fact that you clearly had no idea you’d just been doing it gave it that special something so often missing from drunken ogling. Well done, sir! But that’s still not why I’m glad we met.
I’m glad we met because, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t just smile awkwardly while secretly snarking at you in my head. This time my smile was one of real enjoyment. I don’t know whether I was responding to some quality in you or whether there was just magic in the air that night, but when I heard you talk about actualizing your inner tranquility, I was finally able to give myself permission to snark out loud. You can’t imagine how good it felt after denying myself for so long. It was snark without shame, reckless and abandoned, and it was bliss. You gave me the best night I’ve had in a long time. You gave me my snark back. I’m so glad we met.
And if I didn’t say it last night, thanks for buying me the drink I was nursing while I mocked you to your face. It was delicious.
Snarks and kisses,
The Little Blind Girl
[images in the public domain via pixabay.com]