Mom! Come do my dishes for me!

Unwashed dishes in a sink; an authentic situation.

Unwashed dishes in a sink; an authentic situation. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I suck at being a grownup.  I came to this realization yesterday as I looked around my apartment at all the chores I had to do:  wash the dishes, do the laundry, clean the bathroom, take out the trash, pay the bills, go grocery shopping, etc.  My mother would have already done most of these things and then would have done the rest without even thinking about it.  Me, I looked at funny pictures of cats for an hour and went to bed.

When I came home from work today, the dishes were still in the sink.  I don’t even remember using some of these dishes.  I don’t know how they got dirty.  I’m pretty sure some of them aren’t even mine.  It’s like the dishes come out and party while I’m at work, apparently getting into food fights with my glassware and cutlery, then collapse into the sink five minutes before I get home.  So I had to wash the dishes.  Or just eat off paper napkins for the rest of my life and never use my sink again, and don’t think I didn’t seriously consider that option.

And the laundry was still dirty.  This is when I fully understood that I will never be as good at adulthood as my mom.  Each item of clothing in my closet has different instructions for how to wash it, except for all my favorite clothes, which all read “Dry Clean Only.”  Everything else, though, has some unique combination of requirements such as “wash in room temperature water only with fabrics of like texture and color on alternate Tuesdays while playing the viola.”  My mom would learn how to play the viola.  I just throw everything into the same load, spin a few dials, and push the “wash” button.  Which explains a lot about the state of my wardrobe.

I did not take out the trash.  I don’t take out the trash until I can’t push it down any farther and the lid won’t close.  I also don’t clean out the refrigerator until there’s no room left and I don’t mop the floor until I’ve forgotten what color it is under the dirt.  I’m not going to tell you about the inside of my microwave, because I like you, and because it’s embarrassing. If there were some sort of practical exam we all had to pass before we were allowed into adulthood, not only would I fail, I would find a way to get negative points.  Of course, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that.  Maybe if they graded on a curve?

I’ll take out the trash tomorrow.  For now, I’m going to have a glass of wine.  Which I can do.  Because I’m a grown-up.  Yay!  I finally found a part of adulthood I’m good at.

27 thoughts on “Mom! Come do my dishes for me!

  1. Thank GOD for my boyfriend!!! He’s the adult one in the family, or I would’ve been attending that food fight! 🙂
    P.S. You should seriously consider writing that book. There’s so much crap out there that I have up on reading anything but New York Times. And stuff I have to read for school. But that one I read usually against my will. It’s kinda against human rights, no?

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  2. The solution to your problem is so simple! Do what I did and get a man in your life, who can’t stand a speck of dust on anything! Like I told you before, my “Union” doesn’t allow me to work past Noon, so this guy is perfect! Just remember that no one is going to remember how clean your house, fridge, microwave, trash cans and dishes were! Do you want it to be on your tombstone, “She Kept A Clean House”? Not me! My kids will remember all of the functions I drove them too or all of the camping trips we went on and lazy days out by the pool! Your friends will remember that you were there with your glass of wine and some good company for them! Carry on, LBG! Grown up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!

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    • Nice! This is going to make for an interesting personals ad: Wanted: obsessive-compulsive male resembling Johnny Depp who doesn’t mind extreme profanity and complete lack of regard for personal safety….

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  3. I’m so with you. I hate being a grown up. The only perk I get is that I wear all the eyeshadow I want when the mood takes me n people can’t say I’m too young for that. I don’t even drink! Let’s just hang out and watch pinky and the brain.

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  4. I just discovered your blog! It’s awesome! I relate to every word! Although I still live with my parents…I get a load of chores ! I don’t know if you heard of Jenna Marbles…She has this little video :”I hate being a grownup” It kinda plays in my head everytime I have to clean the monster made of dishes in the sink 😦

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      • HAHA.. eventually it drove me nuts as I’m a bit of a neat freak and the dishes did pile twice as high as your pic. She’s a great friend, but her ‘over generosity’ rule seemed to apply to my cleaning skills, which, I realizes it’s easier to clean for yourself than an entire household. I think new college mates are like that versus those who have been living on their own. My trick is having less dishes. Like four bowls, one spoon, and one fork (okay, I have three, but I really should return them back to work). This way, less dishes, means you HAVE to wash them. And no paper plates as back up. 😀 HAHA

        Pink.

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  5. Nel, Nel, Nel (do I sound like your mother? :)).

    When I was in my early 20’s before I got married, my sink looked like the picture. Then I HAD to grow up and act like an adult. BOO! Well, it’s actually better than having fungi piling up in the sink, and I think you’ll find that you’ll be healthier with few germs being around the house.

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