Famous last words #38: What could possibly go wrong?

Deutsch: "Kopfschmerzen". Die wohl b...

Deutsch: “Kopfschmerzen” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oh, my God.  Week from Hell.  Worst.  Week.  Ever!  to quit caffeine.  There needs to be some kind of Caffeine Anonymous program with sponsors you can call when things get tough:  “Man, I don’t know what to do.  I got three hours of sleep, I have ten errands to run after work, and my computer just blew up.  It would be so much easier to deal with all of this if I could just have some caffeine.”  “Take a deep breath, Little Blind Girl.  You can do this.  Just take it one day at a time.”

I made it through the week, more or less, with rather less in the way of running and rather more in the way of beer and Italian restaurants (sorry, Doc), but only a little more.  I thought I was safe on the weekend.  I’d done the hard part.  I’d gotten through Hell Week without caffeine.  It was Sunday evening.  What could possibly go wrong now?

Slight digression:  there are things you must never say, or even think.  They are as follows:

  1. I’ll be right back.
  2. Everything’s under control.
  3. It’s probably nothing.
  4. What does this button do?
  5. What could possibly go wrong?

Lesson learned.  No sooner had I said this to myself than my Darling Dad called and wanted to know everything about my savings and retirement situations right then over the phone, down to the last penny in the accounts and the tax consequences in the event that I predecease both parents but am survived by my step-nephew.  And he needed to know it immediately!  Slight exaggeration, but only slight.  I don’t have a step-nephew.  That I know of.

I dealt with Darling Dad, hung up the phone, sighed, and decided I needed a soda.  A non-caffeinated one, obviously.  So I started off to the convenience store across the street and what did I find hanging on the handle of my apartment door?  Was it the decapitated head of my pet horse?  A voodoo doll of me with a pin through each eye?  No.  No, it was something far worse, something calculated to cut through all of my defenses and bring me to my knees in mere seconds.

It was a bag of three bottles of Mountain Dew soda.

They were probably from my neighbor trying to be nice, after I’d had such a hard week and all (the nightmares may have clued him in, with me shouting “No!  I swear!  I’ll get the report in by Tuesday!” at 2 in the morning), but really I think it was the Karma Gods coming for me.  It’s only fair.  I knew better.

Now to publish this blog post.  So many widgets and banners and buttons on these blogs…what does this button do?

Mirage Volcano 2

Mirage Volcano 2 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)








I’ll be right back!

29 thoughts on “Famous last words #38: What could possibly go wrong?

  1. I have suffered caffeine withdrawal and decided it. just. wasn’t. worth. it. I understand you are under doctor’s orders. *!+*!@ Argh. To get through your hectic schedule, might I suggest an investment in 5 Hour Energy drinks. They come caffeine-free, although they don’t include bubbles. Which I would miss, as I am currently drinking about 3 gallons of diet soda a day. :>


      • Doctor Scary says it interferes with my absorption of vitamins and nutrients, or something along those lines. Also, I was waaayyy above the healthy limit for daily amounts of caffeine. He thought I was kidding at first, when I told him how much caffeine I have each day!


  2. Honey, I totally get you. I had the worst time giving up my biggest addiction…the caffeine filled Dr Pepper!! Gosh I loved that stuff…it kept me alive. And like you, I wished for a Caffeine Addicts Anonymous hotline. LGB, seriously, if I could do it, you could do it. I promise you it gets better!!! The cravings and desires go away in a few weeks…keep holding on, you’re almost there!!! As for the friends who give you caffeine like your neighbor, same thing happened to me. People were leaving Dr Pepper cans at my desk…everyone knew I loved it. As cheesy as this sounds, I got enough courage to speak out and say I gave up Dr P. People were shocked and now nobody really offers me any. When they do, I’ll give it away or take a few sips and throw it out. I hope I don’t sound dramatic, but it’s HARD giving up caffeine, so I feel for you! If you try to think about the positive long term effects of giving it up, you’ll learn to give yourself a guilt trip every time you reach for a cup of coffee or a bottle of soda and…mind over matter!! You’ll make it!!! We’re right here supporting you!!! *in operator voice*- “This concludes our Caffeine Addicts Anonymous Hotline phone call. Have a great caffeine free day! Goodbye!”….beep…dial tone LOL!!!


  3. LOVE this post! My only alternative is Coffee Pu’erh from David’s Tea as it goes into my nervous system (think coffee beans and tea) instead of my blood system and has WAY less side effects, and still heavy punch of alertness. And yes, I’m addicted to all of David’s Tea. All 30 pouches of flavour I bought over three months ago. Slurrrrp…. If only they made Mountain Dew flavor? Mmmm….



  4. Aww man. My mom always tells me I’m the funniest when I’m ranting like a nut about something I’m totally serious about, and I hate to say it to you but your anti caffeinated post is hilarious! (I hope you know what I mean. If not, I’ll just push this button over here.) We’ve had similar anti-caffeinated weeks, so I can sympathize. You’ve made it this far, you can keep going for sure!


    • Glad you liked it! No, don’t push that button–no! Yeah, I’m gonna keep on with it. Even though the inside of my head feels like that erupting volcano. We’ll make it! Probably. We’ve got it all under control.


So what do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s