How to break up with a potential boyfriend

The Dating Game

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The Potential Boyfriend, or PBF as I’ve been calling him, is taking a job in another city.  Why would he be starting to date someone when he knows he’s looking for work elsewhere?  Well, that’s another post for another blog.  Here’s how it went down:

Potential Boyfriend: I’m taking another job.

Little Blind Girl:  Really?  That’s great!  Isn’t it?  (Thinks:  Really?  That’s great!  Isn’t it?  Wait, he’s not taking a job in the porn industry or something, is he?)

PBF:  It’s a big promotion, supervising a major project.

LBG:  Oh, wow, that’s awesome!  That’s what you’ve been looking for, right?  (Thinks:  Oh, thank God, not porn.)

PBF:  It’s in a different city.

LBG:  Oh.  Oh, okay.  Um, how far away? (Thinks:  It can’t be too far away.  He just moved here, he doesn’t want to move again so quickly.)

PBF:  It’s pretty far away.  I’m going to have to move.

LBG:  Oh.  Man, that sucks.  (Thinks:  Crap.  Crap crap crap.  Why couldn’t it have been porn?  I bet there are loads of local porn jobs.)

PBF:  I know this isn’t fair on you, but I really like you.  I didn’t know if you wanted to maybe try something long distance?

LBG:  Long distance?  Like, talk during the week and see each other on weekends?  (Thinks:  Actually, that sounds really good.  I never feel up to being a good girlfriend after I’ve been working all day.  Could be nice.)

PBF:  Um, actually, it would be more like talk on the phone and see each other maybe once a month.

LBG:  Once a month?  (Thinks:  Sh*t!)

PBF:  Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could swing once a month.

LBG:  You’re pretty sure about maybe once a month?  (Thinks:  I could make it work!  Long distance relationships are totally possible!  We’ve got such a great connection.  It’s all about connecting on an emotional level, right?  I mean, I talk with my friends on the phone all the time and it’s great!  Of course, there are things I want to do with PBF that I don’t want to do with my friends…at least, not most of them…)

PBF:  And we could talk online or on the phone all the time.  I’m not sure what hours I’ll be working, probably pretty crazy at first, but you keep your phone with you all the time, right?

LBG:  Yeah… (Thinks:  Seriously?  You want me to wait by the phone all day every day just in case you call, which you might not, and then when you do all you’ll say is “I’m so tired, I’ve had such a long day, I just wanted to say hello before I crashed.  Good night”?)

PBF:  And you could come and stay with me every so often.  Just take a week every couple of months or something.

LBG:  Maybe.  (Thinks:  You know I have a job, right?  Actually a pretty good one, and I work really hard at it and can’t just leave it for days at a time?)

PBF:  So what do you think?

LBG:  (Thinks:  God, he’s cute.   I really, really like him, even though he’s kind of ticking me off at the moment.  How often do you find someone who’s cute and smart and funny all at the same time?  Long distance could totally work!)  I just don’t think long distance ever really works, even when you haven’t just started dating.  (Thinks:  D*mmit!)

PBF:  Yeah, I know, I just thought I’d ask.

LBG:  But we can still talk on the phone and online.  You know, as friends. (Thinks:  Thanks a lot, Gloria Steinem.  I’m sure you’ll be a great comfort to me when I’m curled up at home alone for the third week in a row, eating ice cream and watching movies.)

PBF:  I don’t think that’s a good idea.

LBG:  Why not?  (Thinks:  Oh, my God, he hates me, he was going to break up with me anyway, he’s just too nice to want to hurt my feelings…)

PBF:  Because I want to do things with you that I don’t want to do with my friends.

LBG:  (Thinks:  Oh, that’s just not fair.)  Oh, that’s just not fair.

PBF:  Yeah, I know.  Sometimes life sucks.

LBG:  Yeah. (Thinks:  Yes, yes it does.)

English:

Image via Wikipedia

So much for how it actually went down.  This is how I like to comfort myself by thinking it went for him:

Really Hot Guy: I’m taking another job.  (Thinks:  God, she’s hot.)

Potential Girl Friend:  Really?  That’s great!  Isn’t it?

RHG:  It’s a big promotion, supervising a major project. (Thinks:  She’s totally going to freak out when she finds out I’m moving away.)

PGF:  Oh, wow, that’s awesome!  That’s what you’ve been looking for, right?

RHG:  It’s in a different city.  (Thinks:  She’s fantastic.  If only I could take her with me.  But she’s such a brilliant, independent, fantastic woman that she’d never just up and leave for a guy, especially not one who so clearly doesn’t deserve such an amazing woman.)

[I told you, this is how it goes in my head.  Just go with it!]

PGF:  Oh.  Oh, okay.  Um, how far away?

RHG:  It’s pretty far away.  I’m going to have to move.  (Thinks:  Here it comes.  She’s totally going to call me on starting to see her when I knew I might be leaving soon.  I know I shouldn’t have, but she’s so hot!)

PGF:  Oh.  Man, that sucks.

RHG:  I know this isn’t fair on you, but I really like you.  I didn’t know if you wanted to maybe try something long distance?  (Please, please, please?  I swear I’ll make it work.  I definitely won’t start flirting with my cute colleague and thinking about what she’d look like without her clothes)

PGF:  Long distance?  Like, talk during the week and see each other on weekends?

RHG:  Um, actually, it would be more like talk on the phone and see each other maybe once a month.  (Thinks:  I’d really like to make out with her right now.)

PGF:  Once a month?

RHG:  Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could swing once a month.  (Thinks:  Liar.)

PGF:  You’re pretty sure about maybe once a month?

RHG:  And we could talk online or on the phone all the time.  I’m not sure what hours I’ll be working, probably pretty crazy at first, but you keep your phone with you all the time, right? (Thinks:  Am I seriously asking her to wait by the phone for me and I’ll just call whenever?  I’m such a jerk.  God, she’s got great [censored])

PGF:  Yeah…

RHG:  And you could come and stay with me every so often.  Just take a week every couple of months or something.  (Thinks:  Yeah, because she doesn’t have a job and a life or anything.  She’s never going to go for this.)

PGF:  Maybe.

RHG:  So what do you think?  (Thinks:  Come on, come on, I know long distance never really works and we’re just starting out anyway, but I really like you!)

PGF:   I just don’t think long distance ever really works, even when you haven’t just started dating.

RHG:  Yeah, I know, I just thought I’d ask.  (Thinks:  D*mmit!)

PGF:  But we can still talk on the phone and online.  You know, as friends.

RHG:  I don’t think that’s a good idea.  (Friends is so not what I was going for with her.)

PGF:  Why not?

RHG:  Because I want to do things with you that I don’t want to do with my friends.  (Thinks: A lot of which I’m not going to admit to.)

PGF:  Oh, that’s just not fair.

RHG:  Yeah, I know.  Sometimes life sucks.  (Thinks:  How much do I really want that job?)

PGF:  Yeah.

Yeah.  Sometimes life sucks.  But hey, at least I got a post out of it.  New year’s resolution:  find another guy who thinks it’s adorable when I wear two different shoes at the same time.  Bets on how long that’s going to take?

8 thoughts on “How to break up with a potential boyfriend

  1. I haven’t met a man yet who didn’t think you were unconditionally adorable – except for Whatshisname, but that’s because he hasn’t ever met you, and no offense I intend to keep it that way for awhile.

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  2. Pingback: Little Blind Girl has left the building | iliketheworldfuzzy

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