LBG’s rules to live by

Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Image via Wikipedia

I being the little blind girl am sometimes known as LBG.  Occasionally, I get mixed up with LJG, or Leroy Jethro Gibbs, a character on NCIS.  Apparently, Gibbs has about sixty rules for living that he makes his subordinates follow.  Well, I’ve got some rules, too, that have served me well throughout my life.  This would be more impressive if I were about twice as old.  However, even a young’n like me can find herself in some sticky situations, and here’s my advice on how to deal with them:

1.  Never wear shoes you can’t run in.  This may seem only to apply to girls, but guys, check the soles of your shoes.  Even when you’re at a fancy black-tie event, you may find yourself needing to run away from amorous cougars, people you owe money to, or the occasional enemy assault.  Hey, I can’t be the only one that happens to!  My advice:  take a quick sprint on a hardwood floor before you go out for the evening.  If you can’t outrun an armed attacker, change your shoes.  Corollary to this, ladies (and some guys):  learn how to climb out of a second story window in heels.

2.  Never turn down free food.  This one stood me in good stead while I was in school, but the habit has stuck, and let me tell you, free food is always something to accept.  If it’s something that you can’t identify and you feel awkward about refusing, just don’t look too closely and pretend it’s tofu, which pretty much always looks weird.  Under no circumstances ask what it was you just ate.  Trust me on this.

3.  Don’t bother with the Do Not Call registry.  It used to help, but there are a million ways around it these days.  Instead of cutting off the telemarketers, keep them on the phone.  They have quotas to make.  Ask them to explain their products, compare their free gifts to other companies’ free gifts, quiz them on fees and surcharges.  When all else fails, correct their grammar.  Word gets around; they’ll stop calling.

4.  Sometimes life forces you to the edge of a cliff.  When this happens, you can either look at the ground, put your tail between your legs and go backwards, or you can jump off the cliff.  Always, always, always jump off the cliff.  You can figure out the parachute on the way down.  Just jump.  You might go splat, but you might learn to fly.

5.  Don’t live by anyone else’s rules but your own.

Don’t get me wrong; I like Gibbs, and I like his rules, especially the one about not getting between a Marine and his coffee.  I know that one from experience.  I might also say, don’t get between a new parent and his or her coffee.  And especially don’t get between a Marine who just became a parent and his coffee.  But these are my rules, and I offer them to you to adopt or ignore as you please.  I highly recommend the telemarketer one, though.  That’s free entertainment, and fun for the whole family.

10 thoughts on “LBG’s rules to live by

  1. Good rules, with a few exceptions, from a Middle Age Guy’s perspective.
    .
    1: MAG’s don’t want to run away if it’s a beautiful women in purusit. Some MAGs (Gibbs like) never run away from anything. The opportunity for a fight is just to much fun to pass up.

    2: MAG’s only pass up free food if it will cause them to have a blood sugar crisis while at work; or a LBG will give them hell due to the over load on sugar in the cake, pie, cookies, etc. . However, there’s usually a LBG lurking to take the MAG’s free food.

    3: I love getting solication calls. I keep them on the phone as long as possible, then ask them if my intention to file bankruptsy,my kill myself, or never pay them a damn cent, will have any bearing on their offer. I do the same with Nigerian email scams. I always try to get them to send me MY commission first. Sorta brings the correspondence to an end.

    4:Going over a cliff has some interesting interpretations, especially when it’s in a dream. Say, a LBG pushs a MAG over a cliff. Google it. Very strange.

    4: And, on one of those FB “Which TV Character are YOU”, I was Gibbs. But, I don’t smack people in the head that I work with., But, there are times I sure would like to!!

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  2. Love your post. Gibbs rules!!! (pun intended). He is the single best character on tv right now. I can agree on all your rules. I tell my wife that my Rule #1 is: I make all the rules. She doesn’t go along with it though. hehehe

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  3. I like Gibbs. Him and Ziva are my favorite characters on that show.

    #3 As a person who does telephone surveys part-time #3 is mean. I occassionally get people who clearly want to waste my time. While the only thing I am soliciting is people’s opinions. I do have quotas to make. Saying, “Don’t call back” is also pretty darn effective. Most of the non-college student type people working where I work, myself included, are disabled in some way. We can’t do jobs that involve long periods of standing, bending, or lifting. We have to be desk jockies and that is the one of the only desk type jobs we can get that is at night. If I was physically able I would much rather go and work in the Staples copy center for less money. I LIKED doing that job. Where I work subscribes to the “the beatings will continue until morale improves” system of management. It’s already a crap job. Don’t be a jerk and make it any harder than it needs to be. You wouldn’t like it if we came on your job site and gave you a hard time for grins and giggles.

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    • Chill, chica! As a matter of fact, cognizant of the fact that you do surveys for a living, and having another friend who did a similar job, I usually do just say “please don’t call back” and hang up. However, every so often, when it’s my tenth call from the same people, I will have a little fun with them. When I tell them not to call back and they do, I figure they’ve got it coming!

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  4. Pingback: You like me, you really like me! | iliketheworldfuzzy

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