I Wrote a Book! Oh, and I Was Attacked By A Christmas Tree…

So, been a while…

ImageI wrote a book.  I’m not sure how to bring that up, so I’ll handle it the way I handle everything else in life–bluntly and completely without context.  My computer keyboard broke and, while I was trying to get a new one, I ended up plotting out a book loosely based on this blog.  I’ve been writing at it for a while now, during the time I would normally spend on the blog, so I thought it would be only fair to offer to share it on this blog.  Its working title is, naturally, The Adventures of the Little Blind Girl, and once I’m done editing it, I’ll post it here, if you’re interested.  Hints:  it involves Shakespeare, reality television, and Johnny Depp.  Oh, and the Evil Hamster makes an appearance.  All the hits!

On to more timely topics:  I think I like the Christmas season so much because I finally get to play Christmas music without everyone looking at me funny.  It’s always awkward to be spring cleaning my apartment with the windows open while “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” is blasting.  Come late November, though, I can play Christmas carols and drink apple cider every day and everyone thinks, Oh, how charming, she’s really got the Christmas spirit.  What they don’t know is that I was doing the exact same thing in August while wearing a tank top and running shorts, dancing around barefoot to “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”.  By the way, U2 killed that song back in the day and everyone who’s covered it since just dreams of making it to that league.

ImageI don’t, however, have a Christmas tree, and there is a very good reason for this.  I once tried to have a Christmas tree, a real, proper, non-plastic tree with all the traditional decorations.  I got it into my apartment, set up in its base, and even managed to get tinsel around it from top to bottom.  However, when it came time to hang the ornaments, I had to get really close to the tree to figure out where to hang everything–my nose was practically touching the bark.  Passing remark:  pine needles up the nostril?  Not fun.  While I was hanging those obligatory colored aluminum balls, my hair somehow got tangled in the branches and, when I stepped back to get the next ornament, the entire tree came with me and knocked me to the ground!  That’s right, I was attacked by a Christmas tree, and let me tell you that the tree is gonna win that fight every time.  I was on my back on the floor with a seven foot Christmas tree pinning me down, branches all around me, with no clear understanding of what had just happened.  To this day, I give all coniferous trees a wide berth.  Christmas spirit I have in plenty, but my lower back still holds a grudge.

And the one Christmas carol I will never play at any time of year?

O Christmas Tree, of course!

28 thoughts on “I Wrote a Book! Oh, and I Was Attacked By A Christmas Tree…”

  2. It’s good to know the Evil Hamster didn’t win and you are now back enlightening the world with your wit and observations. I ended up writing a NaNo novel of a girl who is writing a blog about writing a NaNo novel. No Johnny Depp sightings, only Eddie Liptenstein. Maybe I should have him look like Johnny Depp. Although my character may not go for the Wino Forever tattoo. I’ll leave that one out.
    Blue Skies,
    CricketMuse

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    • Hi! Yes, definitely have a character that looks like Johnny Depp. You will never lose by that. I love the meta of writing a novel about a blog about writing a novel. Very nice! I look forward to reading it.

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  6. Welcome back! Missed your “writings” and humor!I’m with you on the Christmas Tree! Being totally blind, I “work” at the tree for three pickin’ days! One day to set it up (artificial, but very pretty!), a day to string the 1000 lights on it and the last day to put all of the balls and wooden toy ornaments on it! I dread it every year! NO tinsel! I refuse! The other half of this relationship wouldn’t hear of “no tree”! I have a ceramic Avon tree that is lit and plays “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”–about ten inches tall! My kind of tree! Some day! Do you like Manheim Steam Roller? Love their Christmas music! I keep the CD’s handy for ALL YEAR listening! So sue me! Barbara

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  9. Hooray! A book, I’m jealous!
    Glad you are back. I was MIA also. So now we are back…together.
    My daughter has Christmas music on her smart phone which we listen to in the car all year long.You are not alone. 🙂
    Can’t wait to read more of your adventures!

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